Scoot the Future?

I know you spelling nazi's are going to have a field day and Kai's going to jump in on the action too, but first and foremost, fuck you all.



Because at the heart of it, "Fuck you" and "fuck the institution" is what getting a motorcycle is all about. Its about going against other people's better judgment and getting around the anti-social way...on a dangerous, loud, fast, motorcycle.

The next question you might ask is, why do you ride?
When you're on a motorcycle, its very easy to blank everything out, except the act of riding the bike, to put all of your concentration into what you are doing and to focus yourself on one. Because if you don't, you crash (and/or die).
Its very therapeutic, almost a form of meditation if you will.
I remember countless times, when I'd go out for a ride with lots of things troubling me, and then coming back feeling refreshed, energized and focused.
Not to mention its fun.


So then what are the advantages of getting a motorbike?
Well, traffic is no longer a problem, and neither is parking. You'll be seeing less filling stations, depending on how you ride, and you'll get to where you're going having fun, and getting there quickly, and they're easier to operate than a car. Unless of course you're missing two or more limbs.

As for the disadvantages, well there are countless douche's on the road who don't EVER see you coming, so you have to ride in a manner that means you're always trying to get away from traffic, you have to be much more alert to your surroundings, gotta avoid painted lines and drain pipes when its wet. When it starts raining, you have to suit up and wait 15 to 20 minutes for the rain to really get going. You have to wear usually cumbersome safety gear, and when you crash it is guaranteed to hurt.

Now what I want to know, is. If this applies to motorbikes, why is it that people seem to get the idea that the disadvantages don't apply to scooters. I'm sorry but the logic falls short, how the fuck can a pissy scooter be safer than a full sized motorbike?!



BULLSHIT! You're just as invisible to drivers, you have smaller wheels, less traction, shittier brakes, no acceleration and more often than not, you're wearing flops, shorts, a t-shirt and a helmet. And people think this is acceptable. Then when that rider is asked why they didn't get a motorbike, thier reply is, "oh no thats too dangerous!"

I certainly ain't saying there's anything wrong with riding scooters in beach clothes, but don't go deluding yourselves if you think you're safer.
The reality is that you will crash, no matter what you ride. And as long as you keep that in mind, you're welcome to dress however you like. After all its your life.

In closing, if you want to get a scooter or a bike, get it for the right reasons, and understand all the risks involved. If you think bikes are dangerous and anyone on two wheels is a douche, then let me ask you this, when was the last time you saw a biker coming in your rear view? When was the last time you moved over to let him pass safely?

Keep the rubber side down, shiny side up. Check your mirrors and drive sober.
Later bitches.

A room blue and white: A brain full of pigshit

A new tale must be told,

of woe this time chaps

My cranium, hellish agony

the night prior, to much schnapps.



And the light burns as bright

as it ever did before.

"I want everyone to die,

I wan't their blood on the floor."



Okay so yeah, I was moody,

But in my defense, you would agree

the models are snotty cretins

A swift decapitation, with absolute glee.

A Series Of Recent Events:

Today, I was accosted by Phil as I went shopping for ham:

On Friday night, Matthew introduced me to two German girls he had met:

And on saturday, I went to the movies with James, who is a pilot:

Haiku for Geoff

Fingers in nostrils,

he would do them from behind,

Squeal little piggies.

Capoeira vs Boxing.

A room blue and white: The accidental observation.

I have your attention,
you ponder my tale.
today i saw a nipple,
Argentinian breast, pale.

The angel don her wings.
the product, some insurance.
the shot; damsels in halo's and
loose, flowy garments.

And oh how loose it was!
As a boob cover, quite pathetic.
And as i had Phils shades
mine eyes invisible and erratic

And a lesson I relearned,
never judge a book by its cover.
Tits like snow capped Mount Fuji!
She was all areola.

Just quickly.

Kai: Why have you not shaved your face for this audition?

Bearded male model ala fuckface: I had NO Idea that we have to shave.

Kai: Do you know what the product is?

Bearded fuckface: Um, nivea... aftershave... balm.....?

That is what happens when all you need to do your job is a virgin active gym membership.

WATCH YOUR GESTURES

Okay, not that I want (or feel the purpose of this blog should be) to host endless amazingly funny Youtube videos...

But.

This. Is. Amazing.




Watch the whole thing.

Trust me.



Peace out.

A room blue and white Pt. 1

Gather around my merry folk
for I have a tale to tell,
A magical tale of a magical place,
like the urine of cat, it did smell.

A place where the light is harsh and bright,
the north facing wall painted blue.
The white three remaining,
all day i be staining,
with my proverbial chocolate goo.

"Hark why be this place so magical? Such a Ball?
but stinky and vile my mind see.
And for Divinities sake man! your liquid lines the walls!
In heck! a place for you there shall be."

I assure you dear friends I speaketh the truth.
The topic of mine spooge but a jest,
The bung be a fantasy, imaginary you see.
You soon shall concur not protest.

MAIDENS DEAR FRIENDS! THE FINEST AROUND!
and I assure you "around" a euphemism.
FROM BRAZIL, MILAN, ROMA
This room they be bound.
These muses, an explosion, my jism.

Woe if I was so lucky my faithful chums.
my technique! with all I would share
But in truth i am lacking,
I shant, these bitches, be macking.
For no currency for lines I have spare....

Wise Owl Comics: II

Wise Owl Comics

Quantum of Because

Yesterday, I managed to see the new James Bond movie and here are some of my thoughts.
I'll start off with what I think a 007 agent should be.
He should be a gentleman, who is comfortable in all of his surroundings, his best weapon is knowlage, and gains his confidince from being well read and well informed. Ask him a question, and he'll give you the answer.
In terms of fighting, he knows what to do with his fists, but on a physical level, he's not the biggest/ baddest/ strongest dude, he gets roughed up! And when fighting against a superior opponent, he ends up using his wits to thwart his attacker.
Socially, he can hold a conversation with anyone, and ooses charm, confidence and sex appeal, allowing him to sleep with ANY woman that catches his eye. He generally always has a light hearted look on things, and isn't afraid to use his sharp tongue.

Sean Connery in my opinion pulled all of that off in his movies, in my opinion he was the best of the 007s, he managed to sleep with, a minimum of two women per movie, he drove the best cars, had the best gadjets and managed to look good all the time. He had Class.

Daniel Craig's James Bond is a raw, hardcore, gory motherfucker who doens't care about anyone or anything. He fucks people up, gets fucked up, and does what the hell he likes when he likes. He's comparitivly crude in the way he gets the job done, but he gets the job done. He's in short, a brute with a drinking problem and sociopathic tendancies.
But I like him, he's not trying to be Sean Connery's James Bond, he's trying to be his own 007 and I like it.
In my mind I've always explained the different James Bonds, being played by different actors, like this. James Bond 007, is a code name, given to who ever meets the requirements to fill that post when it opens. It may not have been written that way, but none the less it allows you to make sence of the two different styles of James Bond.

Now on to the movie.
The cinematography was awe inspiring, the action was hard, made you cringe and made you jump in your seat. The bad guys weren't pussies from the unemployment line. And just like the movies of old, the product placement was there, but it was subtle, and not in your face. Well done on that note.
However, James Bond never once introduced himself properly in the film. There was no Q, and he only slept with one of the bond girls. This concerns me.
But I can safely say that I was very entertained for my thirty bucks, (thanks Steff) and I certainly wouldn't delete the movie off my hard drive if I ever got a copy.
After the movie I was told that aparently this movie happens like one hour, or close on the heels of Casino Royale. And if you rememeber correctly, Daniel Craig had just been promoted to position of 007 in that movie. So perhaps he's still getting used to his new role.
I mean it would explain the bit at the end not being at the begining of the film.

Daniel Craig, in my opinion you have brought honour back to the 007 Brand, Sean Connery would be proud.

at end felt entertained
product placement kept to subtle minimum.
~Later
Geoff

Tuesday, 1am, Eriksen Household

Because I can.

Everyone Loves Puppies

So if you haven't already heard, the Newmarch houshold has a new puppy. And his name is Bongo.
He came over on Sunday and was pretty shy then, but slowly he's getting used to us. Every time I come down the stairs he gallops over to me wagging his tale. Perhaps its cus I sit with him when I have to do some reading. More photos' and updates on his progress will follow for those who care.
Other than that I should be going to see the new 007 Movie tomorrow, and I'll let you know what I thought of it.
I liked Casino Royale and I'm interested to see if the new bond can bring enjoyment back to the brand. Because since Timothy Dalton, I haven't been impressed with a the movies that have been coming out in the series. I understand the need for product placement, but I found that in Pierce Brosnan's Bond films, the product placment was too in your face and up your nose, turning the experience into one big budget advert. I'm sure Aston Martin, Tag Heuer pay for quite a bit of the films production costs, which should result in a better film.
But don't make it so damn obvious, I'd be more willing to find out more about the product if it appeared like a phantom and was only alluded too in part.

I mean come on, we all live in the age of the internet. And what is more powerful than human curiosity. I think more people would be more interested in the products if they where only given enough information about them, to allow them to go to say a Aston Martin dealership or Tag Heuer store or even the movie's website to go and find out. From there you could educate the consumer about the product, convince him that its the best, and from there the concumer convinces his friends and family.

Anyways, thats for another post for another time.

Later

~Geoff

P.S. Blogger is being stupid, nearly lost the post.

Hah! You think thats bad!

I showed my penis to black man this weekend. Fact.

I'm never drinking again.

You Know You Had a Hard Night When...

This morning, I woke up-

and a fucking fly flew out of my mouth.

I'm not even kidding.

I scrubbed my tongue like I'd just licked a chunk of plutonium.

*sigh*

Peace out.

Rainforest jasper.

Today ladies and gentlemen I had a thought, as I often do. This thought was blossomed from another thought and that thought blossomed from another, as one often does. That is how i think. this particular thought bloomed from the flower that is this blog. What Is the purpose of this blog? How can it be better than than those amazing spicks who get the fuck out of their cars while it's still running.

I mean jesus how do you top that?

The answer true believers is the truth. To speak only the truth about our fucked fucked fucked world from the intimate personal truth to the grandious global truth.

Now the truth will always set you free yet it can also SLAP YOU LIKE A BITCH! Which is why people lie on a day to day basis, and don't kid yourself people, you lie.

And I know liars. I know liars because I'm a liar in every sense of the word. I am the absolute KING of bullshit. I have lied blatantly to ALL friends, family, loved ones. From the lil harmless white ones to the I'm sleeping with with my best friends girlfriend ones. I once told a girl that I caught the previous girlfriend in the act of sleeping with another man with the intention of gaining sympathy points. I once stole from my own mother to buy Weed and then told her in her eyes with the confidence of jesus himself, "nay mother I have not seen your R100 note that was in your purse, perhaps it was the nigros." I have bullshat my way through many conversations.

But in the words of good ol memphis slim; Before you accuse me, take a look at yourself.
You lie every day, every time a fellow human being says howdy do you say "I'm fine, I'm great, I'm awesuuuum."

that is the biggest lie of them is it not? Because the world isn't fine is it? It's fucked up and if it is fucked up and you live on it, I hate to break it to you, but when you said "I AM FUCKING SUPER DUPER ELLENUPER". That may have been a little bit of a lie.

"Kai, you king of fools and lord of gays! We lie for the sake of tact, who wants to know our boggles when they are so involved in their own. I risk not the expression of my trauma should i risk it falling apon the deaf ears of the insincere."

There is little sincerity in this world, thats why true sincerity is so so beautiful as it it is rare.

Which leads me back to the purpose of this post, this blog and perhaps this life. To only speak and express the truth, and as that is an impossibility in real life to at least do it on thecockfighters cause If the truth does one thing well, it makes for interesting reading.

Lets talk about censorship for a second

Let it be known, my last blog was both funny and accurate. But it ruffled some feathers and was censored. Let it be know from now on I'm not holding back and if that means you might get a finger wagging from some crazy person that happens to rule your life then you best brace yourself. otherwise for god sake don't get mad. get even.

Lock up your daughters and i'll fuck your sons!

Yes
yes
YES
YES
YES!
OHMYFUCKIINGGODAAARRRRRRAAAHYESSS!
(Splat)

Yes true believers I just ejaculated sticky white glee all over your eyes and face right through the monitor!

Why you ask?

The answer my dear reader is simply this. Right now you are on the knife edge!
On one side you have some of the most profoundly challenging, intellectual and humourous musings this side of Betelgeuse.
And on the other side you have the vast, dank, turd n viper infested pit of literary redundancy (ala the Joule, S.A's first turdmobile)

So without further ado i give you the masterminds behind this awesome foursome
Presenting (Insert massive orgy of applause here. Uh uh uh clap uh clap clap uh)

The ever Shirtless, Philip "I drive woman to lesbianism" Kramer

The foxweasel formerly known as, Ian "I'm not emo.... if you label me i'll weep" Jepson

The ever hard, Geoff "have sex with me..... pretty please" Newmarch

And lastly but not leastly,
The gunslinging, Harp wailing, cockfighting, mud wrestling, golden child of a man!
KAI "my friends will all hate me after this" CURTEIS!

ARRRRGH!
(Splat)

Enjoy the show

Blast from the Past

Once apon a damn time, it could be said that we had a bit of a blog war. Nocternal Fist vs Team Cockrocket.
Now things have changed as Phil said, though I don't think I really grew up.
So how do I top Ian's post?
Do I post a comic of my own? Or do I just post about some random crap I found on the internet.
To be sure I'll probably do both.


That was done when I was still mucking around with the sims and photoshop.
Anyways, I was cruising the interweb and I found this.

Its called a Joule, its been designed by the guy who did a whole lot of Jags, who happens to be South Afican and its going to be made in South Africa. So you could say its a all South African car made by a South African company. Whats more, its its actually a hybrid car, meaning you should get good mileage out of the car, provided you accelerate gently, keep your foot off the brakes and swerve out of the way of obsticales in order to maintain your speed. Other than that, I don't think it looks half bad. Maybe I'll even buy one if they turn out to be half decient and
moderately priced. And there's plenty of time to save up for one as they supposed to be launched in 2010. And if you've had enough of this country and have since moved away, don't frett, the buggers will export them maybe in 2011.
Read more about it here, but I've said all the important bits.

Later
~Geoff

Last Night

Tequila Sunrise Redux

First off, I'd just like to say welcome. Goddamnit, welcome!

As you can see, things have changed around here, we're a little older, a little wiser. We have jobs now.

Oh yeah.

You may have noticed, (if you can still concentrate after reading all that sweet sweet info) that we're a little empty at the moment. But soon, it'll be back to all the whoring you know you loved and didn't pay for.

It's nice to be back.

Peace out.