Friday, January 30, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Are you German
So after work on Monday night, I figure what the hell, perhaps some of my friends are at the shack, or at least someone I know. I'll go in for a drink.
I pull up, find a parking space in the dirt parking lot, theres' a massive que to get into mercury, and the place looks packed.
I collect my backpack from the back seat and I lock my car before heading up stairs to do a quick recce.
I don't see anyone familiar, but as I'm going to the bar where we usually shoot pool, some guy actually stops me and asks me.
"Are you German?"
"No why?"
"Well cus you have a backpack."
I then asked him, if he was a local, and he said he was.
Ok tough guy, whatever.
So I go to the bar get some 'cake' and put my bag down.
Then I go to the table he's playing at, take a sip of my milk stout, and ask him if he's next on the table.
I put a coin down, and ask him if he wants to play singles.
Its my turn.
I then say, wanna make it interesting. Want to play for R20?
He goes yeah sure.
He sets up.
I take his hunters off the table and tell him not to put it there.
I break.
He takes a cocky lead.
I start sinking balls.
The fact that he's play for a whole twenty south african rand starts to get to him, he starts making mistakes.
I win.
I shake his hand and grab the money, to which he askes,
"you want to play again?"
"No you called me German."
Fuck you asshole for trying to be funny. I hope I taught you a lesson in respect you snotty little double up shooting prick. I hope I humbled you.
P.S. Who's laughing now bitch.
Geoff out.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Seriously, you bomb us, we bomb you back better.
There is some major fuckin shit going down in the world.
But the girl i'm seeing bought a bunny.
sigh.
BUNNY!
But the girl i'm seeing bought a bunny.
sigh.
BUNNY!
Monday, January 5, 2009
The adventures of Karate Rock, Young Geezee and Mr Cool.
Yes indeed. Plett was great. It was so great that it needs to be elaborated beyond that rather lackluster statement. We began our sojourn to the sweet Etheo jazz sounds of Molatu Astatke. The road was long, with many a wind and turn. The scenery, spectacular. The banter, witty and awesome. The mood slightly saddened due to the dropping out of a certain Matthew Erikson however that soon passed. As with all good road trips the food was fast and messy and came in poly styrene containers.
You talk like Marlene Deitrich. And you dance like Sarah Michelle
We arrive at our destination, unscathed yet exhausted from the many many hours of awakeness, to be served a fantastic Christmasy dinner. It involved gravy. We call it a night.
Ah Kai, you have the eyes of beautiful geisha,
the first day was more of a reconnisance day, the beach, the sleep, the Fried Chicken, to the roast chicken, The screwdrivers, the jameson, The Over-ratedness of Timbaland, The Quality of Paris Hilton, The Bar that was so much better that the last bar, the insanely bitter campari, Smiling and dancing tremendously when daft punk came on, immediately followed by kinda standing there, looking at each other, disgusted after hearing that it was the worst remix EVER! Let it be known that the bitches be OFF THE SHEEZEE in plett. But Young Geezee Hadn't read that far into the "Art of Seduction", Mr Cool had just found a lady back home (And Mr Cool says it aight cool to cheat) And the slip-slops-and-board-short-to-club-wearing poopulous just didn't get Karate Rock's sexy. Back to the roast chicken. The best Cohen Brothers film I've seen, And a talk that that lasted till dawn all about the our game plan on how to deal with Deceiptful Cape Town this year.
12;38 pm
the following day.....
"FUCK THE SHOPS CLOSE AT 1! I NEED TO PURCHASE THOSE SWEET KICKS I SAW LAST NIGHT!"
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMM BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMM BRUUUUUUUUUM BEEEEEPEEEEEP "GET THE FUCK OUT THE WAY WARWICK" YHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHIAIAIAIAIAIAI BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM JESUS!!!!
Mr Cool, I fucked your mom.
Ow Young Geezee that was a wicked burn.
BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUEEEYEYEYEYEYEYM SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECHHHHHH Click, SLAM, Run run run run run run "Whew it's open"
I'm sorry we don't have it in size 11
...
Chick chick BLAM!
The beach, the bats, The panic because our friends back home just are dumb enough to kill themselves if we aren't there, the dancing on the lawn, the spagetti bolognese, the godfather part 2, the Rain drops that fell on our head, the Warumu Sake, the Salmon sashimi, the salmon nigiri, the salmon rolls, the salmon everything! MORE WARUMU SAKE!
UMOIYTUGE!
The beautiful beautiful scenery, the hotdogs prepped by Nana, the Fried Chicken
KFC IS BULLSHIT! GIMME SOME OF THOSE POPS!
the Glenfiddich,
The relflection,
my sisters friends chunt.
Oh Champs Elysees!
Ps. plet was great
You talk like Marlene Deitrich. And you dance like Sarah Michelle
We arrive at our destination, unscathed yet exhausted from the many many hours of awakeness, to be served a fantastic Christmasy dinner. It involved gravy. We call it a night.
Ah Kai, you have the eyes of beautiful geisha,
the first day was more of a reconnisance day, the beach, the sleep, the Fried Chicken, to the roast chicken, The screwdrivers, the jameson, The Over-ratedness of Timbaland, The Quality of Paris Hilton, The Bar that was so much better that the last bar, the insanely bitter campari, Smiling and dancing tremendously when daft punk came on, immediately followed by kinda standing there, looking at each other, disgusted after hearing that it was the worst remix EVER! Let it be known that the bitches be OFF THE SHEEZEE in plett. But Young Geezee Hadn't read that far into the "Art of Seduction", Mr Cool had just found a lady back home (And Mr Cool says it aight cool to cheat) And the slip-slops-and-board-short-to-club-wearing poopulous just didn't get Karate Rock's sexy. Back to the roast chicken. The best Cohen Brothers film I've seen, And a talk that that lasted till dawn all about the our game plan on how to deal with Deceiptful Cape Town this year.
12;38 pm
the following day.....
"FUCK THE SHOPS CLOSE AT 1! I NEED TO PURCHASE THOSE SWEET KICKS I SAW LAST NIGHT!"
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMM BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMM BRUUUUUUUUUM BEEEEEPEEEEEP "GET THE FUCK OUT THE WAY WARWICK" YHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHIAIAIAIAIAIAI BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM JESUS!!!!
Mr Cool, I fucked your mom.
Ow Young Geezee that was a wicked burn.
BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUEEEYEYEYEYEYEYM SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECHHHHHH Click, SLAM, Run run run run run run "Whew it's open"
I'm sorry we don't have it in size 11
...
Chick chick BLAM!
The beach, the bats, The panic because our friends back home just are dumb enough to kill themselves if we aren't there, the dancing on the lawn, the spagetti bolognese, the godfather part 2, the Rain drops that fell on our head, the Warumu Sake, the Salmon sashimi, the salmon nigiri, the salmon rolls, the salmon everything! MORE WARUMU SAKE!
UMOIYTUGE!
The beautiful beautiful scenery, the hotdogs prepped by Nana, the Fried Chicken
KFC IS BULLSHIT! GIMME SOME OF THOSE POPS!
the Glenfiddich,
The relflection,
my sisters friends chunt.
Oh Champs Elysees!
Ps. plet was great
Sunday, January 4, 2009
2009 Fuck yeah!
I've always wanted to design a interface that hooked up to a cars computer management system.
In short I'd want to design a system that changes the cars fuel maps, turbo boost and other variable paramaters, in real time.
So lets say you've got your Rx7 twin turbo, and you're driving around town, just picking up groceries and just generally commuting around a urban setting, so perhaps you'd want the car to accelerate to a fair speed, and not use too much fuel. So you set it to Economy mode, which might use the most fuel efficent fuel map, put more boost through the smaller turbo, while leaving the larger one to do practically little to nothing, perhaps the suspension gets raised up a little to help with speed bumps and other such things.
But then you see some little snot at the lights and you want to teach him a lesson. So you wack the car into sport mode, and before the light turns green, the car lowers, has changed its fuel map, and has changed the boost settings on both turbos.
Then maybe you want to do some track time, and you put it into super sport mode and the car goes to its lowest and firmest setting, the car's tuning changes to suit track conditions and the car's no longer is limited.
Perhaps even if you liked going long distances you could have a touring mode, that takes the limiter of the engine, and sets the engine and car up for optimal fuel efficiency, but allowing the car to still reach high speeds, perhaps by being all motor at this point?
And then I'd want it all to be controlled by an adorable Digimon!
I got one in grade 5, or standard 3 as it was called. I was about 11 at the time and I thought it was great.
Either way I think it would be cool to have a Digimon or Tamagochi hooked up to your cars computer. It could even have a spot on the dash, as most cars these days have similar screens to what those portable pet toys had.
The little character could, cry when the car has detected a fluid leak, it could make a poo when its oil needed changing, and it could act angry and grumpy when it was hungry (when you needed to add more petrol).
In fact it could all interface with the above system above and then your little guy could change his appearance to match the driving mode. And if you didn't service the car regularly or if you where generally abusive to the car, it would act all beat up and unhappy.
:whee:
Please car makers, see this post, steal my idea and put it into production, and then call it the Caramon!
Then if you have any decency, contact me, and give me one.
And oh yeah, happy 2009. Its the year of the ox, I'm a taurus and according to this web site,
"Taurus: "THE YEAR OF THE OX"
In short that means that this year, I'm going to kick your ass.
Happy new year fuckers, and remember:
Drive fast and don't hit anything. ;)
PS. Plet was great.
In short I'd want to design a system that changes the cars fuel maps, turbo boost and other variable paramaters, in real time.
So lets say you've got your Rx7 twin turbo, and you're driving around town, just picking up groceries and just generally commuting around a urban setting, so perhaps you'd want the car to accelerate to a fair speed, and not use too much fuel. So you set it to Economy mode, which might use the most fuel efficent fuel map, put more boost through the smaller turbo, while leaving the larger one to do practically little to nothing, perhaps the suspension gets raised up a little to help with speed bumps and other such things.
But then you see some little snot at the lights and you want to teach him a lesson. So you wack the car into sport mode, and before the light turns green, the car lowers, has changed its fuel map, and has changed the boost settings on both turbos.
Then maybe you want to do some track time, and you put it into super sport mode and the car goes to its lowest and firmest setting, the car's tuning changes to suit track conditions and the car's no longer is limited.
Perhaps even if you liked going long distances you could have a touring mode, that takes the limiter of the engine, and sets the engine and car up for optimal fuel efficiency, but allowing the car to still reach high speeds, perhaps by being all motor at this point?
And then I'd want it all to be controlled by an adorable Digimon!
I got one in grade 5, or standard 3 as it was called. I was about 11 at the time and I thought it was great.
Either way I think it would be cool to have a Digimon or Tamagochi hooked up to your cars computer. It could even have a spot on the dash, as most cars these days have similar screens to what those portable pet toys had.
The little character could, cry when the car has detected a fluid leak, it could make a poo when its oil needed changing, and it could act angry and grumpy when it was hungry (when you needed to add more petrol).
In fact it could all interface with the above system above and then your little guy could change his appearance to match the driving mode. And if you didn't service the car regularly or if you where generally abusive to the car, it would act all beat up and unhappy.
:whee:
Please car makers, see this post, steal my idea and put it into production, and then call it the Caramon!
Then if you have any decency, contact me, and give me one.
And oh yeah, happy 2009. Its the year of the ox, I'm a taurus and according to this web site,
"Taurus: "THE YEAR OF THE OX"
Meaning "the Bull," Taurus is the Sign of THE OX to both western and Chinese Astrology. Apparently the whole world agrees on one thing.. which is that the Ox Is STRONG (AND Stubborn!) "Bull-headed" is a well-worn term for Taureans, though it must also be said in their defense that this stubborn streak only comes out when they are defending their Private Pasture. Taureans have a long-accepted Way Of Doing Things; as long as that is respected, and you don't try to force them to do things they did not PLAN to do, they are genuinely placid, gentle and hard-working people. Try to force them in any way, and a head-down Charge is likely!
The special skill and interest of Taureans is WORK of the right kind; the Ox pulls the Plow, treads the grain and carries the produce to market; Taurus is intimately connected to Food Production as an industry, though anyplace where Strength and Stubborn Will are needed may likely have a few Taureans on the scene. Wildly FERTILE, the Ox is a natural Parent.. and tends to be an understanding and patient one at that.. though it is really Sex that the Ox sets-out after, they DO tend to accept the 'consequences' with placid serenity, afterwards. It is also a trait of this Sign that the Ox is deeply Philosophic in outlook; most Taureans have studied the ancient Philosophies well-enough to have a Fitting Quote for every occasion"In short that means that this year, I'm going to kick your ass.
Happy new year fuckers, and remember:
Drive fast and don't hit anything. ;)
PS. Plet was great.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Dat wemen is da debil! Aka Decieptful Cape town
Okay fuckyfucks you can all take a maasive sigh of fucking relief because because I now get to save this blog from the sad little peeks into Matthews abismal social life (when did this blog become a fucking dear diary today i nearly sucked Mavuso s dick) And replace it with MAH HAWsome musings.
Holy fuck look at the time IT"S 2009!
An as i stand on the edge of the presipis (yes presipis i have been up all night and just don't feel like looking for a dictionary) that is the rest of my adult life, and it appears to be the beginning of a doozie!
For the past few weeks I have been living in the land of the depraved that Master Philip Kramer knows so intimately. It really just takes a hosting of an insanely cool party to sky rocket ones social status amoungst the rabble of ,What I will now be refering to as' "Deceitful Cape Town"
Oh yes it is deceitful folks, all four of you know it to be true (don't know who else could be reading this, who knows what might get out!) the back talking, the i'm your-friend-but-i'm-not, i'm gonna fuck you over at work or home, steal all your clothes and music, sleep with your mother,sister,girlfriend,ex-girlfriend but tell you I am your loyal, loyal friend who would never do that, kinda decietful. Ala Deceitful Cape Town.
Sigh... If only I could be like Ian and find that prefect someone that'll stay true to me for remainder of my exxxcesive rockstar life..... In decietful Cape town
IF ONLY I had a fucking awesome trip to plettenberg bay with my two best friends to look foreward to.
IF ONLY (tremendously excited face) I could bask in the comfort of my jewish grandmothers bosom, while she feeds me delicious treats and strokes my hair and calls me boobalah before beginning another crazy year(And I have a feeling this one is going to HHHHHinsane!) in Deceitful Cape Town.
OH wait!
I AM! MWAAAHAAAAHAAAAAHAAAA! Die.
Okay niggas my new yearsies advise. Trust NO ONE. Especially me. It's the only way we'll make it out alive.
Fucking love you all
Holy fuck look at the time IT"S 2009!
An as i stand on the edge of the presipis (yes presipis i have been up all night and just don't feel like looking for a dictionary) that is the rest of my adult life, and it appears to be the beginning of a doozie!
For the past few weeks I have been living in the land of the depraved that Master Philip Kramer knows so intimately. It really just takes a hosting of an insanely cool party to sky rocket ones social status amoungst the rabble of ,What I will now be refering to as' "Deceitful Cape Town"
Oh yes it is deceitful folks, all four of you know it to be true (don't know who else could be reading this, who knows what might get out!) the back talking, the i'm your-friend-but-i'm-not, i'm gonna fuck you over at work or home, steal all your clothes and music, sleep with your mother,sister,girlfriend,ex-girlfriend but tell you I am your loyal, loyal friend who would never do that, kinda decietful. Ala Deceitful Cape Town.
Sigh... If only I could be like Ian and find that prefect someone that'll stay true to me for remainder of my exxxcesive rockstar life..... In decietful Cape town
IF ONLY I had a fucking awesome trip to plettenberg bay with my two best friends to look foreward to.
IF ONLY (tremendously excited face) I could bask in the comfort of my jewish grandmothers bosom, while she feeds me delicious treats and strokes my hair and calls me boobalah before beginning another crazy year(And I have a feeling this one is going to HHHHHinsane!) in Deceitful Cape Town.
OH wait!
I AM! MWAAAHAAAAHAAAAAHAAAA! Die.
Okay niggas my new yearsies advise. Trust NO ONE. Especially me. It's the only way we'll make it out alive.
Fucking love you all
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